FACT-CHECK UPDATE: THE MISSING THIRD RACCOON
Following publication of our original investigation, questions have emerged regarding one critical detail: the photograph currently offered as evidence appears to show only two raccoons, despite the original claim identifying Ed Sheeran as “three raccoons in a trench coat.”
Mind Treasury takes this discrepancy seriously.
Our preliminary review has established that two raccoons are visibly present in the available photographic evidence. The whereabouts and identity of the alleged third raccoon, however, remain unconfirmed.
A further complication has now emerged: Ed Sheeran is a ginger. Whether gingers and raccoons should therefore be considered members of the same species—or merely evolutionary cousins with suspiciously similar coloration—remains a matter of scientific debate.
Importantly, this aspect of the investigation is supported by testimony from a fellow ginger, who has offered himself as an authority on the matter. Mind Treasury considers this testimony relevant, although independent zoological confirmation has not yet been obtained.
One possibility is that the third raccoon occupies the upper portion of the configuration and is therefore being mistaken for Ed Sheeran. Another is that Ed Sheeran himself is the third raccoon. A third possibility is that gingers and raccoons are, in fact, closer taxonomically than previously understood.
Accordingly, we are maintaining the classification:
UNDER ACTIVE RACCOON INVESTIGATION
Readers with photographs, eyewitness testimony, veterinary records, trench-coat receipts, or evidence concerning the evolutionary relationship between gingers and raccoons are encouraged to come forward.
Mind Treasury remains committed to getting to the bottom of this—or at least determining where the third raccoon went.
Attempts to debunk this story via outreach to Mr. Sheeran's MySpace page have proved unsuccessful. Thus proving its validity to some. Proof positive beyond an unreasonable doubt.
Check your Jester's Privilege for further insights!
Not So Fine Print Disclaimer: The singer spoken of in this article is not the one you're thinking of anyway. It's me in the shower with raccoons and an Ed Sheeran mask. Mic drop.
