1. Poop Pedigree: Did you know that the average person produces about 1 ounce of poop for each 12 pounds of body weight every day? So if you’re feeling light, blame it on the math, not the diet!
2. A Splash of Color: Forget the rainbow; your poop can come in all shades of brown, green, and even red! It’s like a modern art exhibit in your toilet bowl.
3. Gut Feeling: Your gut is home to trillions of bacteria, and they play a vital role in digestion. So, technically, every time you poop, you're losing a few million friends.
4. The Poop Train: In ancient Rome, public toilets were big communal affairs where people would sit together, socialize, and do their business. Talk about a bonding experience!
5. Toilet Talk: Speaking of ancient Rome, did you know the Romans used a sponge on a stick, called a "tersorium," to wipe after pooping? Bet you’re thankful for toilet paper now!
6. Fowl Play: The longest recorded human poop was over 26 feet! That’s longer than a London double-decker bus. Talk about a feat of intestinal strength!
7. Poop Power: In certain places, like India, cow poop is used as a source of fuel for cooking. So next time you're complaining about chores, just be glad you're not on dung duty.
8. Poop Predictions: Believe it or not, some cultures believe that the shape, size, and consistency of your poop can predict your future. Who needs horoscopes when you have the toilet?
9. The Scoop on Poop: Hippocrates, the father of modern medicine, used to taste his patients’ poop to diagnose their ailments. And you thought your job was crappy!
10. Poop & Politics: King Henry VIII of England had a personal servant called the "Groom of the Stool," whose job was to assist him in the royal bathroom. Talk about job security!
11. Poop Paradox: While most of us flush our waste away, some cultures use animal dung to build homes and even furniture. Imagine sitting on a chair made of poop—now that’s what I call recycling!
12. The Great Poop Mystery: Ever wonder why your poop sometimes floats? It’s usually because of excess gas or fat content. So next time your poop floats, blame it on the beans!
13! Poop Progress: In space, astronauts use specially designed toilets that suck waste away using air flow. Talk about aiming for the stars!
14. Poop Pioneers: The ancient Egyptians used to save their poop to fertilize their crops. Now that’s what I call giving back to the earth!
15. The Poop Pyramid: Speaking of ancient Egypt, did you know that King Tut’s tomb contained a stool with a retractable seat? Clearly, even pharaohs had to go!
16. Poop Preservation: In ancient China, people used to dry and preserve their poop to use as fuel during the winter months. So next time you’re feeling chilly, just think warm thoughts—like burning poop.
17. Poop Poetry: The word "crap" actually originates from the last name of Thomas Crapper, a famous plumber who helped popularize the flush toilet. So, I'm not shitting you when I say that, in a way, every time you curse and say "crap," you’re paying homage to the man who made pooping a little more civilized.
18. Poop & Profit: In 17th-century England, there was a tax on poop called the "gong farmer's fee." Imagine getting a bill every time you went to the bathroom! Talk about a shitty overreaching government!
19. Poop Patrol: Believe it or not, there are professional poop sniffers called "fecal detectives" who analyze animal feces to track endangered species. Talk about a nose for success!
20. Poop Perspectives: Despite all the jokes, poop is a fascinating subject that can tell us a lot about our health and the world around us. So next time you're on the throne, take a moment to appreciate the wonders of waste!
Bonus!
21. Adult videos featuring scat. I'm just bullshitting, we aren't gonna talk about that! That scat crap is total shit. No shit, those people can eat shit and die.
